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And I'm thinking of closing you down blog. Sorry. Happy post.

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Still a happy post.

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No. Bawal na sad post dito. Haha. Sige. This is a happy post.

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Don't tell me I'm breaking down. I will not allow myself to break down. This matter's to shallow. Haha. I surprise myself at how I get to laugh and feel the complete opposite inside. Haha. I guess seeing other people is better than puling them down with me. Would it be nice to be in a coma? You'd be numb, certainly. But, can you dream in a coma? And what if you get a nightmare instead, would you be able to escape? I'm not in a coma. Cause I'm not numb. I feel the raw pain. Haha. Sad. What a life.

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It's raining today. :) And quite heavily, too. Especially for summer. Anyway, it's 8:43 in the morning. I woke up before 7, and still sleepy, but can't get back to sleep. My head hurts. :( Hayy. Heartache, once again. Heartache, heartbreak, all between the laughs and smiles I show. Blah. And tonight I'll be alone. :( I guess I'm sad, that's why I'm looking for distractions. So I'll be able to forget for a while and enjoy. But when I go home it all goes back. I miss Cha, and My, and Zarra, even though she doesn't really care bout me anymore. And I miss my MgG, where my escape is when class comes. I miss my kambal and ka-triplet, I miss a lot. Haha. Puro girls, ang sexist ko ngayon. Bleh. I miss my family, there all in Visayas right now and I'm here. It's not really home without them. And my sister's leaving also today. I'm going to be alone, and I feel alone. I wish I had something to do to distract myself. I hate thinking about this but it's what I always think about. : I wonder how all this hurt fits in my heart, how it manages to break and break and still be beating for me. Haha. I miss my childhood, my carefree days, where I had a bestfriend who loves me. Who cares about me, who'd know when something was wrong, who was sensitive to my feelings. Not one who doesn't know I cried even though she was only 2 meters away from me, and after knowing, didn't really care. Not one who'd gladly trade her time with her friends with something else. I miss the time when my boy bestfriend is the one who I tease and just play it, not one who I tell girl problems to because my girl bestfriends are too busy for me. I miss our being "friends forever". I miss it when "love" means being simply happy with someone and admiring them, not the cause of heartache every single crappy day. I miss it when crying was only for the time my parents get mad at me, and not for the countless heartbreaks and disappointments I get. I miss it when I didn't hurt you, and they didn't hurt me. Is love really wrong for me? I miss it when art loved me, when I felt that what I created was somehow good. Not like now, when I realized I have no talent at all. I was always insecure, but my insecurities back then were at least bearable. I miss it when I was simply happy.

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