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So, Pisay students know what happened today. September 30, 2008. Today was supposed to be the first day of perio for the 2nd quarter, but due to the fire, classes were suspended. Every morning when I wake up, the first thing that I would do was to check my phone. Today was the morning I altered my schedule and proceeded on to washing my face when I stood up. Bad idea. I fixed my clothes and took a bath, and while I was dressing up, my mom called me into the room. She told me that Zarra's mom told her that classes were suspended. I got my phone and read the numerous messages and missed calls asking and telling me about the fire ans suspension of classes. I guess I'm one of the few people (or am I the only one?) who'd rather be taking the exam right now, for the sake of getting over with it. Oh well, what's done is done.

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Dear diary,

I feel numb. It's the same numb when there's so much pain that you can't feel anything anymore. I almost cried in frustration at the flagpole area. I had to remind myself lots of times that I don't have to cry. I kind of lost it in the car. I couldn't help pushing myself to the corner, I think I was looking out the window. I'm not really sure, I was thinking too much. Oh yeah, thank you Physics for adding another untimely requirement to that big pile. Anyway, I'm not writing this entry for Physics, I'm not even writing this to fill the quota for Compsci. I'm writing cause I hell can't keep this inside of me anymore, I'll burst if I keep on doing so. Too bad there's no password protect here, oh well. No, people. This is not an emo post, I'm not trying to call your attention by telling you how much I hate the world. I don't hate the world. I don't hate anybody. Hating somebody is tiring. No, I'm not heartbroken. I'm too numb to feel any pain in my heart. Maybe crying would at least help to lift the frustration, but I can't cry. I can't find a way to get rid of all this annoying feelings and it feels like I'm being choked. Now I'm writing to find out if this will be an outlet, but I think I'm just sounding mad. I'm not mad. My mind has too much to handle, and there's pretty much no space left up there. I don't think I'm making sense anymore, sorry. Exit this page so you won't get annoyed at me. Why do I keep on demanding people for the things I want? They have their own lives, I shouldn't be butting in. Grr. Great, I'm contradicting myself by saying something and doing something else. I'm such a hypocrite. You know who you are, I've already told you many times, do what you want. Don't let me get in the way. You're supposed to be enjoying your life and not worrying about what I would think. I'm a problem to everyone.

The worst there is,
Me

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I've decided to delete the bad day post. It wouldn't help anything get better. I just have to be more optimistic and just enjoy my classmates' company. ;)

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Haha, I finally got my blog to allow comments (thank you for the code, Marz), have a link to old posts, and in the process of fixing up the lay-out (editing the template and making it more of mine), discovered my cute cute music player at the side bar. :"> Whee, it's so cute. :) :) :) Haha. That's it for now. Bye.

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I'm tired of doing things and regretting them after, but I just can't seem to stop that from happening. I'm pathetic. I keep on saying things, then wake up one day trying to take it back. Hayy.

They say girls don't always mean what they say, that's somehow true. But it doesn't mean we don't mean everything that we say. We just want to find someone who can understand us, even if we don't reveal every single bit of our feelings. Some girls shy away from even trying to express what they feel, scared of things that might come from that. But when a girl tells you that they love you, believe it, cause it's pretty much true. Though there are different kinds of love, still, it's love. And don't ever let a girl feel she's not special, it can bring her whole self down.

Guys, here's something to think about. When you like a girl, it doesn't men that you have to tell her. But if you decide to do so, stick with it. And don't rely on words to pass the message, show how you're really sincere. You can't show a girl you like her when you keep on flirting with other girls, and keep away from her girl friends if you don't want trouble in the future. :)) A girl needs love and care. And if you want her to trust you, show that you trust her. Show her respect so she would also respect you.

One fault both girls and boys can do is having a rebound. For example, the boy breaks up with a girl. The girl is crushed. There's another boy who likes the girl and finds the chance to court the girl because of the way she is right now. The girl feels thankful for the boy for taking care of her at her time of need and gets together with him. Basically, we can think that the girl got together with the boy is because he was there when she needed care the most, she may love him, but not in the way he loved the guy that crushed her. And it would be unfair to the girl because she's not true to herself, unfair to the boy because he's with a girl with a different boy in her heart, and unfair to both cause they'll just get hurt. But I don't mean that this is what always happens, it could be that the new boy is the one for the girl, I'm just saying this does happen.

If ever you want to be the one you like, be sure you don't feel anything for someone else anymore. Cause that would hurt a lot of people. Get over the ones you liked (emphasis on the past tense) and be faithful to the one right now. Jealousy hurts and plants seeds of doubt, so don't ever give a chance for jealousy to arise. Remember, if you truly like someone, you're not supposed to like anyone but her, therefore, no need to be all gushy-gushy and touchy-touchy with others. If ever you choose to say "i love you", mean it. DON'T ever say it without meaning it, ever. And don't keep on giving promises and saying things when obviously you care for others, cause it's plain annoying. :P


Since I'm talking about these things already (and in keeping pace with my article), let's talk about loooooooove. :)) So, okay..

First love. They say it never dies, and I have an idea on why that's so. Here's a quote: "Love is giving someone the permission to break your heart but trusting them not to". So, first love. It's the first time you'll fall in love, and let your heart be broken. If I'm right, and I'm not so sure with this, when you first fall in love, you're ready to give what it takes, intoxicated by the scent of love, not bothering what you'll feel when it fails. So, what happens when it fails? So intoxicated with falling inlove, you never got the chance to build protection for yourself, no barriers, no guards, no walls to shield your heart. And that's why it hurts so much. One second your blushing so much it looks like you're going to pop, the next second you're crying rivers. Our young hearts can't be that sure. So, what is love now? Is it feeling the pain of emptiness after the river of tears dry up? Is it feeling numb and not caring about anything anymore? What is it? I don't know. But I'm pretty much sure that after the "love", you're left with scars and a pretty much broken heart. It would be hard to let go, after giving everything just for that, and it can even go to the point of desperate actions to get back together. It's hard to forget that kind of pain, the pain of crashing down after being in cloud 9 for the first time. And that's my theory on how you can't forget your first love.

So, I'm not a love doctor, I don't know and understand much about this. But this is what I believe. It might be true for some, or not, but love isn't that defined anyway. I look at it my way, and you look at it in yours. But just remember, love isn't just a game. Feelings are not toys. And "love" can do so much, may it be good, or bad.

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There's like a blackhole in my stomach, or at least a vacuum. It's like sucking in my stomach and it hurts. :| So guys, take care of your stomachs and don't drink softdrinks all the time (like I do. :P) cause this is what gastritis-to-ulcer feels like. It sucks. Haha. Almost literally, or at least it's grinding my insides. I feel really sick. My punishment for a few bottles of acidic goodness. Right now, I'm trying to read The Tao Te Ching of Lao Tzu. More like taotechingolachu. :)) It's like there trying reverse psych on you. They say something good, then in the same context, say something not that good. Haha, if you can't understand what I'm trying to say, nevermind. Move on and find a better blog to read. :P My stomach's still bugging me. :| And yeah, Sir Guce never failed to annoy me. My and I went to the lib yesterday afternoon and saw him there, so I said hi. Then there he goes blablabla-ing and cursing my future children. I just said hi, then that's what he did. At least I got some sort of entertainment afterwards when we spotted Ernest studying (yes, studying! :P) alone in the lib. Then My got all surprised and scared because of Ernest studying. Haha. Okay, i'll end the entry here. Bye.

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Know what, whoever you are, you're more to me than I am to you. If I'm a good friend for you, then you're a great friend for me. If I'm a pain in the ass for you, then your a pain in a bigger ass for me. :P Haha, though, it's quite true. I may find people to be the best friend for me, but I'm just a friend for them. I'm not saying this because I have hard feelings toward others, I'm saying it cause it's true. It's not really bad, just means I know how to appreciate people. :) Anywhee, I now know how fridays without Math 4 as the first period feels. But, my morning isn't that nice, cause when I went out of the car still feeling sleepy, I saw Jay with his big (scary) smile. :| Haha, peace, Jay. :P Wait, I'm going out.

I'm back, after about 3 hours, haha. And I'm already tired to write. Oh well. Goodnight.

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"My heart's undergoing global warming. My glacial veins are melting."

I fixed my new lay-out, but my old chat box was deleted, aww. :( So go, tag. :P Haha. I'm, compiling 20 trivias right now, and translating them into tagalog for FilJourn. I still have to choose 10 movies for the homework, and study for the battery test tomorrow. Haha. How can you load up on general info in just a few days? Anyway.. I have no idea now how to add comments to my posts, so, tag on the chat box instead. ;) Goodnight.

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From my sister's collection of mostly asian celeb crushes, here's one that I like. Presenting, Kim Kibum:




That's enough, so you can restart your hearts. Haha. I'll post more pics if I happen to discover someone again from my sister's collection. :)) ;)

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Hello, blog. My head's about to burst in literal pressure. Haha, nah. Too bad if you were waiting for that to happen. But it really does hurt, and it makes me feel dizzy and unable to see clearly. I still can't wait for vacation. But Anselmo said that summer does mean reviews for college exams. Ugh. :| Do we live just to study? Haha. Sometimes, I wonder. People tell us to study well, so that we can get into good schools. If we get a good education, we can get into great colleges. If we graduate from those colleges, we'll have good jobs. We'll be great people and earn lots of money. If we earn a lot of money, we'll be rich. And then, what? You'll grow old and eventually die. Then what happens to the money you studied all your life for? Sure, you can give them to charity, but I doubt that many people would do that. Most would just let them rot or have people killing themselves to get that much money. And besides, too much money just adds to the greed in the world. Anywaaaaaay. I'm supposed to be fixing my things, but I'm too lazy to stand up.

But how, do you expect me, to live alone with just me, cause my world revolves around you it's so hard for me to breathe.

I'm tired. Bye.

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I'm still sick. : And requirements keep on piling up, and I don't have any motivation at all to go to school. It doesn't help that I have lost my attention span and the classes we have are like lullabies. Oh well. 7 months to go until summer! Haha.

I'm bored.

This is a really worthless entry.

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I missed school today, it's a first in three years. Haha. Thanks to Kit, I can imagine certain teachers dancing, eherm. I shouldn't have missed seeing that part, oh well. I still haven't progressed on school work even though we have a big load, but I managed to finish 629 pages of non-school reading. :P Something I heard bothered me yesterday, and I guess it still bothers me now. I heard it as I was walking to the car yesterday when I was about to go home. I wish I just walked faster so I never heard it. It bothers me so much because a friend said it to another friend, with no intention of me hearing it and getting hurt, but I did and I am. There are times that I just don't want to feel anything anymore, and to just clear my mind. Anyway, I got a good load of potato in my system today. even though I felt sick, I didn't care about myself because Angel wouldn't eat properly. But she did put a rubber eraser in her mouth which she coughed up when I placed her on my lap. :P She was so small when she first came here, and now she can jump up to my bed even without the help of the beanbag anymore. She jumped on to my bed at 5 in the morning and was trying to wake me up ever since by licking and biting me. By the way, Angel's my dog. She even tried to go under my comforter so she could bite my hands, cause I hid it under there. I eventually gave up, seeing she won't stop until I stood up. Right now, she's behind me, biting her tail while she's on my beanbag. There, that's a pretty long post. Bye.

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Yakitiyak man. Haha, enough with being serious. :P

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I fell asleep with an icepack on my leg last night, and I guess I'll be sleeping with one again tonight. Haha. Happy birthday, Richelle. I'm not in the mood to say anything else, so, bye.

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